• Stamos & Freud

Krav Maga Guy

It often seems there is always a friend who is out to “save” you with their wealth of knowledge. This individual may sound like the spokesperson of CrossFit or want to inform you about the importance of ketosis.

I’m not going to say they’re incorrect with their unsolicited views or that a cardio based fitness program wouldn’t improve my well-being. Bottom line, I don’t need their realistic practicality to interfere with my delusional fantasy. None of their opinionated claims chaps my cheeks more than their views on Krav Maga.

I’m the type of person who enjoys an active lifestyle but not one that looks forward to isolation workouts. Pick-up game of basketball? I’m in.

Practice my knuckle-puck in street hockey while mumbling quack? That's me. Lifting in front of the mirror or going for a jog with a weighted vest is not how I get my jollies. Now, I recognize this is at odds with my love for the classic training montage. One that features the hero, being shredded, often in isolation. That remains an asterisk and exception.

While I continue to try and live my life a quarter mile at a time, fitness must be disguised in order for me to buy in. This is why P90X was just something I watched while I ate Frosted Mini Wheats. Nothing quite matches the inherit fantastical allure of a martial art. I believe most action loving people have at least dabbled with the idea of jumping fists first into the lifestyle.

Disarm a bad guy who has a gun? Sure. Disable your opponent who's wielding a knife. #dunzo. The phrase that comes to mind is all business no pleasure. Krav maga is the fighting style for those who don’t like fun.

My favorite of the bunch is karate and I have a clear bias. Working my way through belt levels? Sounds amazing. Expected growth and reward in this martial art adds a level of gratification that doesn’t exist elsewhere. A black belt is the eagle scout equivalent.

Look, we’ve all read the same articles searched on Google. I get the argument about the most functional and practical martial art. Krav mag is designed for "real world" experience. Unfortunately, the friend who is telling me to enroll in Krav Maga is failing to recognize one thing. My anxiety will not let me win the fight.

I can’t have a disagreement at Dunkin Donuts without intrusively thinking that it will escalate and end with my opponent slipping, hitting their head, and dying. Ultimately landing me in jail. Thank you Con Air.

I’d rather go into a fight while boasting about my black belt... If I lose, I lose. My belt is still black.

Again, the Krav Maga Guy is acting as if we don’t know the practicality of the fighting style. Is my aversion just because of the unsolicited suggestion? Maybe. What makes this especially pecker-rific is that this friend typically hasn't ever dabbled with any martial art themselves. Their claim comes from self appointed intellectual superiority.

It's like driving a BMW because "they're the ultimate driving machine." Tell that to their depreciation, cost of repair, longevity, and reliability. They trail most other automakers.

We willingly accept the fantasy of karate and the martial art kingdom. Macchio did it, so can I. We don’t need the finance of martial arts. Krav maga, removes the flashy show of a board breaking, belt wearing, Jackie Chan loving phantasm.

Make a decision for yourself, but just know, I’m a registered white-belt. Granted, I’ve only ever done the free trial lesson at my local dojo. Read No Kata For You to see how it went.

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