• Stamos & Freud

My Movie Manhood?

The demise of Blockbuster was a hit none of us were ready for. A wall to wall store with movies to rent and stories to see. Judging a book by its cover had no place in Blockbuster. You judged a movie by its case and maybe the summary. When the rental stores began to shutter, my dad began acquiring a massive library of movies. He even bought shelving from a movie rental store to appropriately store them. This led us to creating, yet another, “creative” game we affectionately refer to as the Manhood Movie Game.

Brace yourself, this game is predicated on unnecessary bravado. It is then sprinkled with overzealous testosterone and hints of misguided chauvinism. Or it's just guys talking about their penises... also called Tuesday.

When our corneas were fried from watching too many movies, we often took a break to play knock hockey, shoot a bb gun, and/or drink diet root beer. One day, we noticed the bb gun was gone from the back closet. When questioned, we were told the following:

“Had to get rid of it. We got a lot of heat on us,” My dad said as he puffed his cigarette and gazed out at the forest.

Whose we? No one knows.

What heat? Imaginary anxious paranoia.

The knock hockey was in shambles and our recent sedentary movie viewing left us afraid of developing blood clots. Our eyes turned to the wall of movies.

My brothers and I believe we are all linked in some way through our brains. Like the WiFi of our cerebral cortex is connected to the same router. Together, in unison, we began the Manhood Movie Game. Something we are not particularly proud of and don' speak of often but we don't shy away from this part of our history.


Select a movie to represent your manhood… and specifically your penis.

Sure, it seems juvenile. These games and conversations were never going to be about solving the great societal problems of our time. Look at the titles below, they don't require much thought with drawing connection to a man's babymaker.

Wait, does this sound like toxic masculinity? It shouldn't. However, I think we could argue that the game is based around hyperbole, with no points, and no way of keeping track of whose winning. These self-appointed symbols of our manhood were never designed to reinforce or perpetuate societal norms of our gender.

Not to mention, it's not the "strongest" phallic reference that wins... it's the greatest insult using a movie title. When we expanded this game out to other friends, it got even more disturbing.

Modified Rules:

Select a movie title to insult your friend and his penis.

Again, I get the asinine nature of this game. Like I said, the options were shoot a bb gun, play knock hockey, or drink diet root beer. The activities were slim pickings. If you've read my other posts, you get it.

This game has the Pringles vibe. Once you pop you can't stop. The longer you play, the more deranged it gets. Kind of like Cards Against Humanity

Modified Rules Again:

Just find messed up titled to destroy anyone's penis.

This post could go on forever. But that isn't the point. I challenge you to find a masterful title that could make even the most tightly wound individual crack a smile. If it helps, shotgun a Coors Banquet and keep playing.

If I had to assign a title for Pat Sajak:

I hope you found humor in this post. It's an odd game built around the collective boredom of three brothers. That same boredom is what brought our childhood game stubs to life. This may not be the post my wife is most proud of but one that needed to be told and unearthed from the early 00's. I tried to even find the female equivalent. But the yonic movie titles aren't that memorable. All I could think of was...

Have any suggestions? Post them below. Best comment wins my undying appreciation.

Looking for another post worth reading? Checkout one my favorites Sylvester Stallone Owes Me One.

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