• Stamos & Freud

When in doubt, Fieri Out

Updated: Jan 27

There are times where random pains in my body warrant a Google search followed by a panic attack. Am I the only one that is concerned that pregnancy, cancer, aids, allergies and the flu all have the same baseline symptoms? Are you tired? Yes. Do you not feel like yourself? Yes. Buckle up for an anxious ride to WebMD.

The internet can cause crippling fear in the most level-headed of people. Fear not, the internet is not all bad. There are other times when the internet is my favorite place to be... this is one of those times. We have all the information we could ever ask for at our finger tips. What should we do with such power? What would our ancestors do with such power? They came from a time when people were buried for getting a papercut.

If you ask me, and I know you didn't, but I believe our ancestors would also fall victim to internet's greatest traps.

After falling down a deep rabbit hole on the internet, I came across the following video:

What did you just see?

Guy Fieri is onstage with Worth It by Fifth Harmony playing in the background. A member of the crowd is thrown a Lean Cuisine... by Fieri... after he signs it.

Can we take a minute to analyze this?

One human, threw another human a Lean Cuisine. The one human who threw the microwave meal is also the host of a show often referred to as Triple D. This nickname is almost as glorious as William Shatner being called The Shat. It's short, memorable and you can nearly smell it. (I miss Danny Devito).

Not only that, but this chemical meal that you throw in the nuker, was signed by the Food Network host and tossed into a crowd. Similar to a touchdown being handed off to a fan or a NBA player giving their shoes to a child in the stands. If handouts from celebrities were on a spectrum, we now know where it ends. It ends with a God-forsaken lukewarm signed Lean Cuisine.

While on Hot Ones, Fieri confirms the incident as a “Miller Lite Event in Michigan.” At the end of the competition, Fieri signed a variety items, including the famed Lean Cuisine. What I didn’t know is that the internet has a host of hilarious and epic Fieri inspired content. I know I'm not the only blogger to find these, but damn are they majestic.

Don't get me wrong, I love me some Guy Fieri. Not saying I want to share an apartment with him though. I'm convinced he might ask to borrow my toothbrush and is the type of guy to sit on your couch with a wet bathing suit. Fieri would definitely Tom Sawyer his way out of doing chores. One minute you're helping him build a deck and all of a sudden he disappears to throw Lean Cuisines to people.

Perhaps Fieri has it right. People that don't give any F's are throwing Lean Cuisines to strangers. I'm going to strive for Guy Fieri level confidence. If you find yourself Googling phantom symptoms to appease your over zealous health anxiety, take a deep breath. Whether your dying or not, there is always time for one last trip to Flavortown.

But if you think your dying, definitely start by Googling your symptoms. At the very least, it will test your threshold before a full blown nervous breakdown.

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